Seek First to Understand

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood." This is one of the 7 habits of highly effective people according to Stephen Covey. This author points out habits that are crucial to success. I have also found it to be one of the most important parts of working with students.

This week a disturbing video was released on social media of a student in my state (South Carolina) being forcibly removed from the classroom by an officer. According to the local news reports I read, the student was disrupting class by using her cell phone and refusing to do work. She had been asked more than 20 times to leave the class by the teacher, and administrator, and the officer in the video. Every time she refused and so the actions in the video occurred.

This is a terrible situation and yes, I believe that students need to follow classroom expectations. I also believe that people in authority need to practice understanding. I posted to my Facebook page 10 alternative actions the officer should have taken. Yes the student needed to be held responsible for her choice, but so does the officer. He choose to escalate a situation that he could have de-escalated. I know he could have de-escalated it because it's something I do every day.

I teach middle school. My students often have not yet developed fully functioning logic skills. They are like many 12-year-olds: unreasonable, dramatic, and stubborn. Often students refuse to do what I ask in class. Often students refuse to leave my class when I ask. It makes me frustrated when students don't follow my directions, but I take a breath and remember that I am the adult. These are young people looking to me to see how I react.

When a student refuses to do what I ask, I go to their desk and whisper in their ear, "You have a choice, you can either write me a note about what is wrong, or step out into the hall and we can talk."

If a student doesn't choose one of those choices, I go again and whisper to them, "If you don't write a note or step into the hall, you will have a reflection essay (a 3 paragraph essay explaining what happened, who was affected, and how to resolve the situation) to complete."

Today for the first time this year, a student still refused and remained in class. I ignored him, because he was sitting silently and not disrupting the rest of class. When the bell rang and he went to leave, I asked him to stay. We talked and he described the fact that he had a personal tragedy that was upsetting him. After we talked, he agreed to write the reflection essay and he turned it back into me at lunch with an extra apology note thanking me for listening to him.

I am not perfect in my classroom. Sometimes I do loose my cool. I am still working to improve my teaching skills and grow my relationships with my students.

Those of us who work with students have a huge responsibility to our students. We must show them how to be understanding of one another. Perhaps the officer was having a terrible day, perhaps he had his own personal tragedy at home. Perhaps he just needed a little understanding, but he received as much understanding as he gave...none.

'till the cows come home
Ellie

Dear Conservative Christians

Dear Conservative Christians,

I am one of you. You are my friends and family, but I need to confess something. 

I worship a god that is not the one true God. That god is me.

Daily I put myself before my Lord. I worship myself when I choose to speak my own words and further my own agendas instead of his message. I worship myself when I watch another Netflix episode instead of pulling out my bible. I worship myself when I buy that cute dress I don't need, instead of placing bills in the offering plate. I worship myself when I let my own anger, sadness, or frustration cause me to say mean hurtful things to God's people.

There are days when I celebrate this sin. I proudly proclaim that I am a confident independent woman who is not afraid to speak her mind. I consider it a strength that I can read people in a situation and manipulate them into an outcome that serves what I want.

Yet on Sunday morning, you greet me. As I walk up the steps to the church you give me a warm smile and ask about my week with my students. You say such kind things to me about being a mature young women with a heart for the Lord. You invite me into your women's groups and encourage me to join the choir. Never once have I seen you carry a sign or post a social media message telling me that I am going to hell or that I need to know that pride is a sin.

What if my sins were different? What if I were gay? Would you still welcome me into the church? Would you make it your personal mission to make certain I knew you disapproved of me and my sin? 

"For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it." James 2:10

There lies the problem. My sin is no more condemning than any other. Just like lying, sexual immorality, murder, worry, jealousy, slander, and hate, pride is a sin that separates me from God. No sin is better or worse than another in Christ's eyes.

Now before you tell me that this is different because I recognize that pride is a sin, I will tell you this: I don't fight against pride every time it occurs. I don't always even recognize it when it happens, and like I said before, I sometimes even celebrate it.

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

God himself didn't need me to clean up my act before he could love me. He didn't even need me to recognize my own sins. Instead, his love and his Holy Spirit called my heart and revealed the grace of redemption through Christ's death on a cross and resurrection from the grave. It was the Holy Spirit and my own personal study of the bible that made me realize that I have a whole lot of pride.

How can we as Christians claim our standard for love is higher than Almighty God? Why do we demand that we must make sure someone acknowledges their sins before we can love and accept them?

I beg this of you Christians, stop using your voice for condemnation and hate. Stop making your stand one of pointing out everyone's sins, and start following Christ's example. His passion was for the people. He loved so many regardless of their backgrounds, age, gender, or sins. He did not demand that people change before he loved them. It was after they were touched by his love that they felt inspired to make their changes.

If you want something to get angry about, start ranting against poverty and injustice against life. Those were the passions of the early church and I think we could learn a thing or two from them.

Sincerely,

Ellie  

**If you are an LGBTQ person reading this post, please see it not as a condemnation of you, but of those who have treated you with anything other than love.**

Dear Me

Today I checked my email and saw it. There it was, the job I wished so hard was available my senior year of college is now open. I stared at it. If I had received this email 2 years ago, I would have put my all into trying to get that job, and now I simply smiled at it and forwarded it on to my mother, just to tease her a little bit about a Nebraska job I was qualified for.

2 years ago, pre-Teach For America

Two years ago I was an eager young college grad who, after a study of Abraham, decided to move halfway across the country to teach children she had never met in a state she had never seen. I was still 2 weeks away from the move, packing up my apartment and convincing my friends that I wasn't going to forget them. If I could talk to that loud, eager, overbearing gal, here's what I'd say.

Dear Me,
First, forget everything you thought you knew about teaching. It's way harder than all your teachers ever made it look. Remember all those times you complained about being bored, those times are over in a big way. From now on, you won't have the time or energy to juggle all those tv shows you now call your favorites. PICK ONE.

So yes, teaching is hard, and you aren't good at it...really you're not. You're too emotional, argumentative, and people-pleasing. You can't win an argument with a middle schooler, and trust me, you try enough times. You're abstract passion for discussion of literature, won't fit with 12-year-olds' needs like structure and consistency.  You're a bad listener and are quick to jump to conclusions. Sorry to be a Debbie-downer, but it's the truth. You do however have some things going for you. You are passionate about working with people. You have the grit to be knocked down (literally and figuratively) and get right back up EVERY TIME. Most importantly though you have the drive to push yourself to get better. Yes, the getting better takes an entire year, but it is definitely worth it.

Teaching is also fun. Sure you adopt so much of your mother's no nonsense with your own students (and her passion to run things on a timer), but you also have her sense of humor. That sass and sarcasm wins over even the grouchiest kid, and no feeling beats sharing a laugh with your class. You learn to listen and gain patience with those youngsters who are trying to figure out who they will be. You get to be a part of that, which is a privilege and an honor.

Congratulations, you are a super extrovert, which means that year of living alone is hard. You have some maturing to do, and God uses all that alone time to teach you a thing or two. Don't worry, you're not always alone. Those crazy folks that teach along side you and share this experience are the kinds of friends who just plain get it. Most excitingly, you lose your heart along the way. This southern guy is the best at arguments, a good cook, and makes you laugh.

Pack your bags Nebraska girl. You're trading cows for kids, boots for sensible teacher shoes, and Runza for Bojangles. South Carolina is going to change you, and that's going to be good for you.

'till the cows come home,
Ellie

In the Deed the Glory

"Ms. H, In the Deed the Glory, what does that mean?"

As I look up to admonish the young man speaking out of turn, I notice he is pointing at the Nebraska Husker poster which hangs proudly behind my desk. It has been one of those days. Teachers are not any different from any other profession in that they have days where their feet ache, heads ache, stress seems overwhelming, and all human interaction is a monumental task. I paused when I again read those 5 words.

The entire quote was written by a professor of philosophy at my alma mater. "Not the victory but the action; Not the goal but the game; In the deed the glory." -Hartley Burr Alexander.

So much of education is the victory and the goal. As teachers we focus our minds on victory: the student successes, the well-planned lessons, strong professional relationships; and goals: academic achievement, growth, and personal gains. In fact the pressure from those victories and goals often drives teachers away from the profession.

The truth is this: the value of teaching cannot be measured, and the glory of teaching is not found in test scores or observations. Instead it's the smile from the science teacher in the hall who stops to hear every 12-year-old's story from the weekend. Or the math teacher who loudly proclaims "Merry Christmas" down the halls to her colleagues even though it's April.

As Bryce sat waiting for an answer to his question, that pause meant so much more than a scramble to answer yet another student question. It was the reminder of who I am as a teacher in victory or defeat
.

"It means that whatever you put yourself into in life has worth, even if no one else thinks so."

'till the cows come home,
Ellie