Seek First to Understand

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood." This is one of the 7 habits of highly effective people according to Stephen Covey. This author points out habits that are crucial to success. I have also found it to be one of the most important parts of working with students.

This week a disturbing video was released on social media of a student in my state (South Carolina) being forcibly removed from the classroom by an officer. According to the local news reports I read, the student was disrupting class by using her cell phone and refusing to do work. She had been asked more than 20 times to leave the class by the teacher, and administrator, and the officer in the video. Every time she refused and so the actions in the video occurred.

This is a terrible situation and yes, I believe that students need to follow classroom expectations. I also believe that people in authority need to practice understanding. I posted to my Facebook page 10 alternative actions the officer should have taken. Yes the student needed to be held responsible for her choice, but so does the officer. He choose to escalate a situation that he could have de-escalated. I know he could have de-escalated it because it's something I do every day.

I teach middle school. My students often have not yet developed fully functioning logic skills. They are like many 12-year-olds: unreasonable, dramatic, and stubborn. Often students refuse to do what I ask in class. Often students refuse to leave my class when I ask. It makes me frustrated when students don't follow my directions, but I take a breath and remember that I am the adult. These are young people looking to me to see how I react.

When a student refuses to do what I ask, I go to their desk and whisper in their ear, "You have a choice, you can either write me a note about what is wrong, or step out into the hall and we can talk."

If a student doesn't choose one of those choices, I go again and whisper to them, "If you don't write a note or step into the hall, you will have a reflection essay (a 3 paragraph essay explaining what happened, who was affected, and how to resolve the situation) to complete."

Today for the first time this year, a student still refused and remained in class. I ignored him, because he was sitting silently and not disrupting the rest of class. When the bell rang and he went to leave, I asked him to stay. We talked and he described the fact that he had a personal tragedy that was upsetting him. After we talked, he agreed to write the reflection essay and he turned it back into me at lunch with an extra apology note thanking me for listening to him.

I am not perfect in my classroom. Sometimes I do loose my cool. I am still working to improve my teaching skills and grow my relationships with my students.

Those of us who work with students have a huge responsibility to our students. We must show them how to be understanding of one another. Perhaps the officer was having a terrible day, perhaps he had his own personal tragedy at home. Perhaps he just needed a little understanding, but he received as much understanding as he gave...none.

'till the cows come home
Ellie