It's Mom's Fault

If I had a dollar for every time this year a guy friend teased me for saying Louisa May Alcott was my favorite author I'd have exactly $4.

Unfortunately that windfall of cash is only hypothetical, but Ms. Alcott's characters hold a very dear place in my heart. Particularly the middle daughter with a man's name.

Yup, I loved the movie/tv versions too

I think I was in middle school when I saw my first traditional Disney Princess film.  Mulan, Maid Marian, Nala, and Pocahontas were the Disney ladies of my childhood, but they were not the characters I deeply aspired to be. My games of pretend were more literarily dominated. Laura Ingalls Wilder and Jo March were my heroines. I spent hours in a bonnet and skirt (made by Mom) pretending to roam the prairies of Kansas or the forests of New England. I adopted their methods of speech and am still the brunt of family jokes for my "Ma and Pa" and "Mother and Father" phases. My mom cracks up even today as she remembers the formality of her little girl asking, "Is Father home yet?"

Both of the ladies of my literary aspirations had close families that included more than one sister, but that was not what drew me to them. I have always been content with the selfishness and rough merriment that my place as the only girl provides. If it wasn't a sister, then what was it?

Adventure. My heart longed for their adventures. To take on a variety of challenges and live a life that was more than being rescued by a prince and living "happily ever after." Not that I didn't have the romantic ideals of falling in love, but saw didn't see it as the ending to a great story. In the stories I held dear, love was just another part of the plot.

After seeing the movie I was a little bit "Team Teddy."
Just look at Christian Bale.

Now as an adult I wonder if my mother did that on purpose. If she nudged me in the direction of ladies whose stories were not passive but active pursuits because that is what she wanted for me. I'll have to ask her when I get the chance, but my suspicions are that it was a deliberate choice she made.

Now she has to face a slightly painful reality. It turns out, if you push your daughter to admire women of adventure she will go off on one of her own. She will see injustice and do her small part to help fix it. She will follow God's call even if it takes her away from you.

Thank you mom. Thank you for sharing rich stories with me, and for showing me that strong women should never be ashamed of who they are. Jo March may have sold her hair, lived with an unbearable aunt, and written a novel, but her fictional accomplishments have nothing on your real-life passion and strength.

'till the cows come home,
Ellie

Laughing In Class

October, yes I'm sure it was October.

That's the last time I remember laughing in class with my students without fear. Since that time laughter has scared me. It was the first terrifying step of seeing my classroom management spiral out of control. So I left laughter behind.

November and December were tough months for me in the classroom. I began to feel so much pressure to conform my teaching style to match other teachers. I felt inadequate when I saw my student scores and felt so much negativity from my students in class. I wasn't myself. I was angry and short-tempered, I was melancholy and had even begun to expect the worst from my kids. For example, my mentor encouraged me to use learning stations in my classroom to help my students review for a test. Almost instantly, I mentally shot down the idea because I knew "my kids couldn't handle" moving in class. Thankfully, 4 of my 5 classes proved me wrong, but I still didn't like the negative yelling person I had become.

Over break I did a lot of soul searching and praying. What a big surprise, the same weaknesses I had in the classroom this summer had manifested themselves in the fall. I was standing at the front of my classroom as a phony and my students could see it. I'm a bounce around the classroom, stand on chairs, and make stupid faces kind of teacher. I was trying too hard to be no-nonsense and no noise.

Armed with a new plan (involving a character trait of the week) and refreshed from break I began to tackle a new year. Today I laughed freely with my students. We were sharing our fears, and the more ridiculous answers involved a round of raucous laughter. After a few seconds I shot out my teacher stare, and that was all I had to do. We were back on task and ready to learn. It's amazing how my students respond respectfully when I am genuine with them.

So here's to a new year full of laughter. Silent classrooms are overrated.

'till the cows come home,
Ellie